Thursday, July 22, 2010
long time, no eat
it's been forever since i've had the chance to write here. the boy is always here and in range of computer view and would be waaaaayyy too curious about what i'm writing and where and why he can't see it. but now he's away for a few days and you skinnies win a thinspo dump.
with the exception of this week, i've been incredibly active for the last few months. there are too many projects in all directions, workouts every single day, truly intense ones at least twice. i'm losing fat, and lots of it, as my period has dwindled to three days each cycle now. this is good. i hate how much i have to eat to keep myself alive now but i know that eating right is helping me get less fat. i eat pretty much just protein now and the occasional fruit so i don't get scurvy. summer has upped my water intake, and after the few days of bloat, i sloughed off some more pounds.
even more of my skinny clothes fit now, which i find really exciting. i just hate that my legs muscles are bigger in place of the fat that used to be there. the waist of skinny clothes fits or is loose but the legs are still too tight.
other than the blog impeding hovering, the boy is quite awesome to have around. he's taking the increasing odds of my european departure quite well... if i actually go, then i'll have to fly him over at some point. i kinda don't know what to do with myself now that he's gone for a day or two. at least i'm super busy most of the time. these last few days though, i've been soooo dead. it's like all i can do is sleep. the rest is good though, that's what all my trainers say. my body doesn't really ever get a break until it just quits on me.
soon, i'll be taking a vacation to the thinspo capital of the states, Los Angeles. 5 days of no rehearsal, different studios, and long awaited visits with nearly estranged friends. i'll be surrounded by lovely thin people. and i'm so much closer to fitting in. ana stays by my side, letting me restrict when i'm under too much pressure from everything else. i can make up for my failures by losing weight.
with the exception of this week, i've been incredibly active for the last few months. there are too many projects in all directions, workouts every single day, truly intense ones at least twice. i'm losing fat, and lots of it, as my period has dwindled to three days each cycle now. this is good. i hate how much i have to eat to keep myself alive now but i know that eating right is helping me get less fat. i eat pretty much just protein now and the occasional fruit so i don't get scurvy. summer has upped my water intake, and after the few days of bloat, i sloughed off some more pounds.
even more of my skinny clothes fit now, which i find really exciting. i just hate that my legs muscles are bigger in place of the fat that used to be there. the waist of skinny clothes fits or is loose but the legs are still too tight.
other than the blog impeding hovering, the boy is quite awesome to have around. he's taking the increasing odds of my european departure quite well... if i actually go, then i'll have to fly him over at some point. i kinda don't know what to do with myself now that he's gone for a day or two. at least i'm super busy most of the time. these last few days though, i've been soooo dead. it's like all i can do is sleep. the rest is good though, that's what all my trainers say. my body doesn't really ever get a break until it just quits on me.
soon, i'll be taking a vacation to the thinspo capital of the states, Los Angeles. 5 days of no rehearsal, different studios, and long awaited visits with nearly estranged friends. i'll be surrounded by lovely thin people. and i'm so much closer to fitting in. ana stays by my side, letting me restrict when i'm under too much pressure from everything else. i can make up for my failures by losing weight.
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