catching up.

I've been averaging between 700 and 1000 cals a day. That seems like a whole lot, especially compared to last week. But last week I wasn't pulling 10 hour training days. I am in the studio doing something physical for a solid 9-5 every weekday. i go to bed hungry and wake up lightheaded. i'm doing my best.

some days i see the differences and some days i don't. i just need to keep trying, ever damn day. it feels so wonderful to be back in control, to know that i'm shorting myself 2000 calories every day just because I can. (Supposedly, my body burns about 3300 cal every day because of all the athletic stuff i do all day). I just have to drink more water. And run more. I want the differences faster, but i know that in the long run, i'm whittling myself down to the nothing i've always wanted. i just have to keep it up.

post weekend data penance

the weekend was joke. total failure. i didn't eat that many calories, but it was bad. the booze and the hangover food probably totaled way over that i managed to burn dance and walking and running.

but at least today, at least right now, i feel thinner. like i look thinner. the week of severe restriction was definitely good and i've got too much inertia to really stop now.

managed to get some nice snuggle time out of a new friend too, which is nice. i was worried i might bruise to his touch at this point. i really hate being alone. it was nice to not be alone for a minute.

hah. i'm never alone. there's ana. but she's isolating. it's her nature. it's nice to escape once in a while.

stay strong and think thin, my starving darlings.

dance the chubs away

I am the fattest thing that has ever happened. I did hardly anything today, except a tiny bit of contortion work.

Total Calories: 746

I did that for a reason though. My body hasn't been used to massive restriction, and I'm going drinking and dancing later. I intend to dance off today's calories and probably replace them all with booze cals, but I might end up purging the alcohol and that will be A-okay with me at this point. If I play my cards right, I'll just dance off everything today and end up in good, if hungover, shape to really rein it back in tomorrow and sunday.

i don't know what to do now that school starts back up on monday. i train like 10 hours a days, but i'm so pleased to be back on restriction. guess i'll just have to work a little harder and keep the restriction and see well i do.

i hate how easy the difference shows through. my ribs are sharper. my hipesbones stick out more, my stomach sinks deeper when i sit down. my face is thin again. all in 5 fucking days. if i keep this up for a couple weeks, i could have my gap back and then some. cheers to that, hey?

stay strong and thin loves.