total failure, intake

Total cals today: 644

50cals of that was this orzo salad that i got at the store before this return to massive restriction started. i took two bites and then threw it away before temptation could win.

i went running again. and then did a good 2 hours of other workout stuff.

tomorrow i'm going to dance my ass off all night, and hopefully make up for all the slacking i've been doing, though the booze calories might kill all my hard work. i'll have to careful.

i had to weigh myself once when i got on this program over here and the number is horrible. 60kg. i look at the picture i put up yesterday and think, really? i have loads of muscle, but still, 60kgs? i must be blind to how huge i really am. ew. that was like september though, and i've lost a ton of weight since i've been here. hopefully i'm somewhere in the mid 50s by now. guess i'll just have to work harder.

stay strong and think thin, my lovelies.

more starvation stats

that's big ol' me. by popular demand. ick.

intake: 442 cal

lots of salad and protein; small portions of things today. i'll probably have to eat slightly more later because i feel like i'm getting sick.

went running again. felt wobbly all day afterwards. hurt too much from yesterday to really train hard, but managed the 1.5 hour stretching session again, so at least i've got that to say for myself.

EDIT: stop the presses, i had to eat something else. Now we're up to a whopping 539 calories total because orzo salad has tons of calories, but i just had to eat something warm. sigh. oh well, still burned more calories today than I put in. that will still be the case if i ate an entire meal. lol. like that'll happen.

FINAL TOTAL: tallied at like 2am
651cal for yesterday. my muscles hurt sooo much that i allowed myself a yogurt thing. it so upset by how my mind went stable and my body stopped shaking after that. dammitall.

here's some skinny people.

intake update

1/3 C cooked white rice: 63 cals
1/2 Tomato: 11 cals
1 spoon dressing: 10 cal
1C green tea:0 cal
Tsp Honey: 22 Cals

total:106

breakfast cals: 94 cals

7:50ish pm:
2 sticks celery: 17 cals
1 tablespoon hummus: 27 cals
tea w/ .5 tsp of honey: 11

net total so far: 255cals

not doing so bad, yet.
.... 9:18pm.....
Dinner is made of fail!:
248 cals of salmon, rice, sprouts, and dressing. the highest cals were in the salmon though, and that's all protein.

still, current total not so bad: 503

11:42 DISASTER
I almost fainted in the shower. And I fought it. And drank water.
So I made the worst thing ever. 250 more calories. I can't even say it. You just get the numbers.

total: 753.

at least it's still WAY less than I burned today.

update: productivity feels good

I ran for 23:44. It was raining rather hard and my inner ear was starting to ache from cold headphones. But I ran up some tough hills and through mud and random country alleys. And then I got inside, and stretched, first calves, then quads, then hamstrings, then repeat.

After that, I did 50 v-sits, 50 inner thigh leg lifts (each side), 40 crunches, 40 can openers, 30 situps, 30 squats, 20 bicycle crunches, and 20 standing split beats. Those should make up for the seven minutes of not running in the rain.

Feel free to snag that set. I found it quite nice.
Now, I have earned a shower, then I must go to town and buy a new book and more soap.

just a note: the timestamps on these aren't quite right, since I'm currently in Europe instead of the West Coast. I am not doing crazy stuff at 6:30am and then writing about it. Instead, I'm freaking out at a healthy 10 til 3pm.

making up for it

I have to start blogging more. This is getting really bad. I'm eating like a normal person even on days that I don't work out.
Intake so far:
1 Cup English Breakfast Tea
1 tsp honey
1 apple

i'm going for a 30 minute run soon. It's a pretty intense land jog, but I need it. I hate needing this stuff. I just want to be pretty. Hopefully post-run, i'll be able to find some space to stretch and do some conditioning. After that, I'll clean my room and shower.

i had been doing so well. I barely ate friday and then ending up purging everything anyway since I got too drunk to keep down water. saturday i felt awful and ate maybe 400 cals just trying to have enough energy to walk home without fainting. then sunday, i hardly ate anything again and was pretty active and i didn't notice a thing. i just felt light and good. since i was active, i ate about 1000 cals because i burned WAY more than 2000. And then yesterday happened. It was like I couldn't stop putting food in my face. That and I couldn't really wake up. I napped like all day, waking up only to eat something. ugh. ew.

Today must be different. I am going to lose five pounds or at least look skinnier by next week. And then same for the next week. I will leave here and be fucking thin. I want to leave no footprints when I travel this summer. I want to be that gorgeous thin thing at festivals. I want to deserve new clothes that will fit no matter what style because I am thin, so it doesn't matter.

Stay strong and think thin my skinnies! There are like 50 more of you than when I last checked. I would love for this blog to get spread around the Tumblr communities. I love new people. Thanks for all the support.