fix it. now.

fuck. i need to fix this. tomorrow requires very little thought and whole lot of physical work. i have a performance coming that i need to do two acts for, as well as learning two other things. i've polished off my binge food. a real binge would take more work and time than the craving to eat it all would last. not so bad i guess. but, ugh. this is so bad. i need a better appetite supressant. i guess i'll look at this tomorrow and see the models and the plan again. i'll write it on my hand or something in sharpie, better yet, on my arm.

better idea. i just scrawled "FAT" on the backs of both hands. so whenever i reach for food, i'll have glaring red sharpie reminders of what i'm doing to myself. that should help. if anyone asks, i can just say it's an acronym for... for... something. fabulous, artistic, and talented. there we go. kind of like old rationale for "bitch", beautiful intelligent talented curvacious hotty. wow. i wish i could be a fat bitch in those terms. hah.

i bought star stalker mag today. something about 82 pound nicole richie. she has to be like 4'8" to not have to be shaving languo at that weight. oh well. hopefully the thinspo will be worth the hype.

the plan: (i should write this on my face or something)
breakfast:
meds
diet pills
.5 grapefruit with splenda

lunch:
nectarine, cottage cheese
1 liter of water
diet coke
gum

snack:
dried mango
dried oranges

dinner:
nectarine
rice
light havarti cheese

dessert:
60 cal dannon light'n'fit yogurt

exercise:
walk a lot. walk to american apparel and back
carry really heavy cans of liquid
practice dance 1 for 1 hour
dance 2 for 1 hour
1 hour 1 ball
25 min 2 bal
2 hours stick
1 hour dance 2 again
30 min dance 1 again.
foot/body work on yoga matt: as long as i can stand it (it's just really fucking hard)