Wednesday, February 03, 2010

mia might not be my thing, but i won't deny the extra help of the flu

phew. the boy is out of the house for a bit and oddly i'm not out with him. i would like to be, but i also enjoy writing this blog while i feel thin and empty. i got really really sick monday night. i had to leave work with two hours left of my shift. threw up in trash can backstage. got home, then proceeded to shit and hurl at ten minute intervals for the next 12 hours. it was horrible, but i feel pretty at the moment. my hipbones jut out so perfectly and i feel light, truly light. i hate that i've had to play along and try to eat to feel stronger, but i also feel hard earned muscles dying and it's a physical pain i haven't felt since i last hit double digits in weight (i'm talking pounds, not kilos for you non US readers).

i'm stuck in my house now because this sickness incubates for 4-6 days before you get sick, or at least in my case, cuz my boything had it first and thought i was in the clear... but no. i don't want to share this with my friends. not one of them is as fucked up as me to see the silver lining in it. heh. as much as i hated being that sick, it's like my fix of purging that i can't ordinarily make myself do.

as for the thinspo, i ran around the internet collecting a bit more real-girl stuff. so enjoy. if i snatched it from your blog and would like me to take it down, leave a comment, but really, you put it on the internet for people like me to see...

the other thing i hate about being sick is what i've had to miss. i lost about $100 leaving work early and shafted the other girls on shift into extra work when i left. i had to miss training, which burns so very many calories. i'll probably have to miss weights tomorrow too, just for the sake of the other gym goers. on the other hand, i'm not as hungry as i would usually be and i can sit around sipping diet coke pretending i'm a supermodel, sitting around starving off muscle tissue so that sample gown hangs limply from my bony frame as i float down a runway... sigh. in some ways, i wish this would last longer. i miss being truly thin.