Wednesday, January 30, 2008

i am a great liar... a test told me so

You Are a Great Liar

You can pretty much pull anything over on anyone.
You are an expert liar, even if you don't lie very often.

i do lie a lot. i tell people i'm fine all the time. i tell people that i like myself and that pro-ana is dangerous and terrifying. but inside, i love it. i love how it drives me to be perfect above everything else. to be thin is to be loved and perfected and wanted and respected for my control. to be thin is to feel control. to feel hungry, to hurt with hunger, to train hard until you body aches and you can feel the muscles starving with the rest of your body is control.

i am a big, fat liar.

oh well. i'm paying for it. i hurt every day from my new workout schedule. it adds up to about 12 hours a week. i'm trying to eat better, eat less, but the pain makes me hungry. i don't want to lose these muscles, but i want to lose so much of my body weight that some of them have to go.

i'm glad that people comment on these. i feel less alone. keep reading. take my thinspo for whatever use you want. we all share.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

since i'm still awake

i guess i'll toss up a few pictures. the epically painful thing has been treated with a course of antibiotics that destroyed my will to eat for a good four or five days. i'm proud to say that i fit into my (stretch) 27 waist true religion jeans again with no muffin top. no clue as to how much i weigh. despite the burger-like sins of today, i burned enough calories that it doesn't fucking matter what i eat today... or tomorrow. my face is back in my own control with no swollen monsters to speak of. phew. stayed out too late so i couldn't call the ex. i feel bad about that. i'll definitely get to sleep soundly tonight though. i just have to wake up at a reasonable fucking hour tomorrow. bummer-ass shxt right there.

sure it's an upskirt, but look at her arm. perfection!