Friday, January 04, 2008

the weather is too ugly to go night-running

i'm scrapping every semblance of recovery that i was clinging to today. the scale the doctor's office told me i weighed 134.4. sure that was in clothes, but i wasn't wearing that many. sure i have some more muscle mass, but that's still gross.

i'm starting my massive pill taking regimen again. if my body doesn't crave vitamins/nutrients because it's gotten all that from pills, then i won't be nearly as hungy. i'm going to go buy an in home workout disc tomorrow too. i will learn to purge. my ankle weights are also going on tomorrow, not to be removed unless it's for sleep. i have plenty of baggy pants (since every day is a fat day now), so they'll be well hidden. i'm going back on a strict restriction diet and putting all of my thinspo back up on the walls, and especially in my refrigerator.

i reloaded my pill case entirely. it's weird seeing how many pills i used to take. it's a lot, but it definitely worked. back on RemediLean twice a day at least. i have this appetite surpressant spray to help with that too. i need to have some people over to drink all of my beer. i can replace it with hard alcohol that i can drink straight if i feel like getting drunk.

i have never weighed this much. i'm sure a bunch of it really has come from all the different gym training that i spent a 10 week course working on. but still. i weigh WAYYYYY too much. ew ew ew ew. i'm supposed to walk for some local show soon too. definitely going to get used the starvation routine again. also, 3 liters of water per day. more water is a must. i'll probably lose a ton of weight just from getting back on that cycle.

enough of my fatass blathering. enjoy the thinspo, my lovelies.

1 comment:

J00kst3r said...

I wish you wouldn't purge, though that's entirely too easy for me to say. I've been purge-free for about 31 days, but I know I'll circle back within the month. I've mouthed a bunch of hollow promises, but as far as resolutions go, I've never touched that one. (I'd sooner stop eating altogether, if that were possible.) It's just too steep a hill on foot. There's no pill, no tea, no liquid plumber smoothie that can make this full feeling go away. Sorry, I don't mean to bring you down...I guess I've been feeling a little discouraged myself. I really don't know what the answer is, but I'm wishing you whatever luck I've got left!