Thursday, December 30, 2010

honest mirrors in the worst places

i went shopping for more joggies today and wound up trying stuff on in abercrombie. i never feel so fat as i do in their changing rooms. i just look days wide, even though everything i'm trying on is a size small. nothing exacerbates my self hatred more than a perfectly lit room with a mirror that shows me how pretty i'm not. i'm sure all the girls working were looking at me like one of those people clueless to how huge and hideous they really are and dread the very idea of how the clothes we buy actually fit. ick. thinspo time.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

making up for lost time

i feel really really sad. and fat. fat and sad. that email really fucked up my head. my size 8 abercrombie jeans fall off if i wiggle right and all i can think about is how unsexy it is that my thighs still touch. to quote my favorite tumblr thinspo blog of the moment: "fuck having a gap between my thighs. i want them to be smaller than my knees."