Tuesday, December 28, 2010

making up for lost time

i feel really really sad. and fat. fat and sad. that email really fucked up my head. my size 8 abercrombie jeans fall off if i wiggle right and all i can think about is how unsexy it is that my thighs still touch. to quote my favorite tumblr thinspo blog of the moment: "fuck having a gap between my thighs. i want them to be smaller than my knees."

1 comment:

heidi said...

I've read your blog for ages. Dunno if i've commented ever before.

I started reading this when i wanted to be thin. Deadly thin, just skin and bones. I was never diagnosed an anorexic (i never had to go to the doctor.. i hid my condition quite well) but i think that's exactly what i was.

That phase took several years of my life, but suddenly i noticed that i just didn't care that much anymore. Little by little all the unhealthy habits disappeared. Nowadays i think i'm recovered and to tell the truth, i feel good.

Why am i writing all this? I know you think that recovery isn't for you. I know you don't want to get better as long as it might mean getting a bit heavier. BUT i still hope you will. It wont happen in a day but i hope it'll happen as time goes on. Now that i'm healthy, my whole life seems better, much happier. I know i was skinnier before, but i don't really remember it since back then i always saw myself as a fat pig. Now i can look in a mirror and think to myself "Oh my, i'm quite thin. Just perfect." I bet you wish to see that in your mirror too.

I wish the best to you. There's so much more in life. Take care.