worse and worse

Today I am huge and bloated and incredibly sad about it. I need to live on nothing but water for the next week. This is intolerable. I hate it. I have to fit into a tiny tiny leotard tomorrow and I'm so huge I could cry. I don't know how the weight came back. I don't. But now my hipbones are all covered again and I feel awful.

I'm so stressed and so tired all the time. I could sleep all day and be tired at night too. My body just keeps quitting. I leave the country into a land of thinner people in four or five weeks and before that, I'm off to the desert full of equally beautiful people and my plans of being scantily clad keep dwindling. Feh. I don't know what to do. It sucks.

Alas. I have epic bus journeys to make today and dwindling time in which to do it. Feh and grumble.

Boy is okay. I love him to death. I wish I could please him more. At the moment, along with my tiredness all the time, my sex drive is nothing. I want it to improve, but bed just equals sleep now. I wish wish wish that I could change that. I keep trying to please everyone else and now it's like I'm drowning.