Thursday, February 28, 2013
back again; where it all started
Hello again. I'm back. Running into the arms of Ana. She's been waiting. She's waited while my ex boyfriend rant off with the girl he was cheating on me with from the day I left. She's waited while my current boyfriend can't figure out why I cry when we talk about how hard getting a visa is.
And she doesn't have to wait anymore.
I remember, I think, the two things that initially sent me this way:
First, I went to see my grandmother when I was in my early teens, must have been. And the first thing said was "You're looking nice!" She sounded surprised. "I thought you might have gotten... big."
And then the first love. The first love asked me in all innocence, "Do your thighs touch when you sit down?" and I said why? "Well R and I were talking the other day, and his girlfriend's thighs don't touch and neither do mine or his, so I just wondered if that was an everyone thing or not, cuz it seems weird." And I started crying.
So here we are ten years later. The boyfriend has come to visit and gone away. I am now on a super low carb diet. I eat fat to burn fat. I'm trying to throw my body into a state of ketosis. At least for a few days. I need to change my size. I really do. I need to get thinner again.
My current training schedule is epic though, so that combined with new diet should help. I'm up to 20+ hours per week. That should hopefully make a dent. Top pic is my flubbery horrible self. No thinspo there.