sick on a nice day

i hate this. i am sick on a day when i could be working out. i can't do anything. i feel fucking terrible. it's hot, sunny outside. and i'm stuck in my house as i don't want run around infecting the world. eating is quite the chore so i haven't done much of it. i don't deserve to eat if i'm not earning it. i hardly deserve it then. i wouldn't have eaten anything at all if i hadn't given thought to my muscles and how starving them won't do me any good in this circus dream of mine.

my body finally told me: STOP. i have too much to heal right now. a huge blister on my ring finger, a rip on my thumb, all kinds of smaller damage incurred from shows. ugh. i feel so fucking awful. i want to go train, i want go practice, but no, my head is full of snot and my ears keep popping, my throat feels disagreeable. hopefully this won't last too long. as long i keep forcing water and vitamin C in, i should be okay. i need to train, i have to be in top shape for my upcoming trip. sigh.

also, it's time to gather thinspo. i guess i can spend today doing that.