Tuesday, November 17, 2009

poverty is excellent for dieting

before anyone jumps on it, i know some of the thinspo i've put up is photoshoppery at its most insidious. that does not make it any less thinspo to me. what i want is impossible and so are some of the images. the digital mutilation of women is what drives some of us to embrace ana and her impossible demands and i will proudly worship at the feet of whatever keeps me starving.

speaking of which, being hilariously broke is a great way to stay thin. i am, by no choice of my own, thriving on single slices of bread and lettuce because that's all i fucking have and i can't buy anything else because i've got shit for money right now. i finally broke into the one tuna can in my cupboard because i had to eat protein after my workout. this is postively ridiculous. quitting drinking has not saved me any money thus far. i'd quit smoking, but i'm positively terrified of the associated weight gain.

moral of today's story: have near zero funds, eat near zero calories. if you can't buy it, you can't eat it. this is, of course, the opinion of a bourgeois twenty-something who has recently lost her money card and therefore cannot buy anything until it is replaced. i really have no room to speak about the eating habits of the truly impoverished, but this current trend in my living is certainly helping my numbers on the scale. i am in no way advocating that the truly poor should go ahead and starve to look good.

on the boy front, oh geez. i'm in emotional shutoff mode. there are ones that i'm afraid feel too much for me. there are the ones that i'm afraid i feel too much for. so i shut off completely, opting to feel nothing. i like it this way, especially currently, where i'm so freaked out about money and work and training that i don't have time to break down and cry for heartache. not to mention recent conversations that stirred up memories that i'd worked so hard to conceal and shut out with ana's help. i'm kicking myself for even bothering. why would i want someone to get so close to me to tell them about my life traumas? why would i trust so much? i don't deserve it. i'm a hideous, flabby, disorganized mess. sigh.

enjoy the thinspo. stay strong and think thin, my lovelies.

1 comment:

silly said...

How are you dealing with Fat Day? (Thanksgiving)

I'm starting to freak out about it!