Saturday, November 18, 2006

so fucking huge

i fail. over and over and over again. i was doing so well. i have to lose so much weight so fast. i was back up to 124.6 this morning. fuck fuck fuck. this is not cool.

food account:
breakfast: large apple
lunch: salad w/ noodles, cucumbers, tofu, small bit of ranch
snacks: .5 grapefruit
breakdowns: 1 cookie, 1 2x2 inch piece banana bread.
dinner: gardenburger wrap, 260 ish calories.
later: 200 cal soup
1 small apple.


that's too much. tomorrow i get 500 calories, max. veggies veggies veggies.

i've done this before. why doesn't it work now? why can't i have back what i had. i want to cry when i think that i am 12 pounds heavier than i was maybe 6 months ago. some of that has to be muscle. fuck trying to recover. i don't want to get better, i want to get perfect. this is disgusting. i don't deserve to eat.

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