sorry for the slow updates

i've found a benefit in being an emotional wreck who doesn't sleep anymore and exercises so she won't cry. i forget to eat. it's been so long since i've been able to forget food and/or be actively repulsed by the very concept. i'm finally losing weight again. small victories.

the boyfriend is now the ex boyfriend. my heart is so broken that sometimes, even after a week, i can't breathe. he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. he has a new girlfriend. i pity her. if there is any lesson that i'll learn from this breakup, it's dating him was only a favor to the rest of womankind. at the same time, i love him. i want him back desperately. i want to write him and call him and remind him that i love him and that he loves me. at the same time, i want to ruin his life and ensure that no girl is ever hurt by him again.

the fling, despite all of my fairly high profile drama, not only still speaks to me but still wants to see me. it's so strange to me. i feel unlovable. if he sticks around though, i'll get thin again. i can't stand being fatter than my date and he is so fucking skinny.

i should be doing schoolwork, but i can't motivate myself. i have huge papers due by 9am friday. i have a show to manage by saturday. ack. i have all the time in the time world to fill with everything but memories of a love that was stolen from me. i'll always have ana though. she's finally come back to me in my time of need.

stay strong and think thin my loves.