misery loves company

I have been sick for two fucking weeks. Sure I'm losing up to .5lbs per day and living on mostly water and immune cleanser drinks because my throat hurts too much to eat. But this is a shitty way to lose weight. I hate this. I don't go outside because I don't want a fever spike to hit me when i'm away from my house. I've had this headache that stabs me in the eye every fucking time I stand up... for days! No medication helps after a point. Dayquil dulls the pain. Ibuprofen doesn't even work anymore. I can't train. I can't work. I can sit here and waste away.

I can't go out. So I'm saving money, but god this just sucks. I miss my friends, what few are left after dealing with my incessant complaints about being sick. I'm fucking trapped here, going stir crazy. I can't even exercise here in my apartment because any exertion of effort makes my head hurt to the point that I think one my eyes might explode. My mom told me that I should try drinking five capfulls of extra virgin olive oil. I'm about to try anything to make this hurt less, but the calories in straight olive oil... oh god. That's a panic attack waiting to happen.

I just feel like I've been asleep for weeks now. I've had maximum nine hour days of waking. I get up at 3pm, only then because I have to pee sometime. I nap throughout what little day is left, listen to a radio show from 10pm-2am and then go back to sleep. I got lucky for not having to work last night, but I wanted to, just for a change of scenery. I wanted to drag my sorry self to training today, but that was cancelled. It's like now the universe is lining up to give me a break, but I don't want it. I just want to be fucking better so that I can go run and train and practice. AGH!!! And here I am stuck bitching to invisible, legitimately thin girls while I sit on my chunky ass that's only going away because I am really and truly starving to death.

fat fat... but less

Sorry for the absence. i got really really sick for a whole week. luckily, i lost a good lot of weight that i'm now trying to keep off. i think was all the extra fluids that i had to drink while sick that just rinsed the sickness out along with some fatness.

i've only been eating twice a day or so in tiny portions. i eat a small bowl of oatmeal and the go do a few hours of something that burns way more calories that i ate. then i come home and have a small healthy dinner. it seems to be working. except the fatigue thing. once i wake up, it's fine, but the getting out of bed part is so hard. i keep waking up at 3pm. i can't blame it on being burnt out after college anymore. now i'm starting to think something is wrong. i hate it. i can't get out of that cycle either. since i wake up late, i stay up even later. i feel super bad about it because i end up missing beautiful days like today, but for a few hours. ugh. at least i got my laundry done.

the weight loss is really noticeable. i like it so much. at training, there's all these mirrors, and i finally looked good doing everything. i feel more flexible too which is a huge plus.

staying strong and thinking thin. enjoy the thinspo, my skinnies!