MY RETURN

Wow. I've been gone forever. Well, I'm back now and I really ought to be posting regularly again. I have a huge backlog of thinspo and even some personals updates.

I'm back stateside now. Missing the boy like mad. I've also decided that I no longer take public transit if I can avoid it, so I bicycle everywhere. I've been training up to six days/week, but not enough hours every day. I will make up for it over the winter tho.

No numbers updates until I make enough money get a new scale. I kinda destroyed my good scale (and I couldn't take it with me anyway) in the name of art. Right after I got back, I got weighed at Planned Parenthood and they told me 128lbs, which kinda makes sense. I wasn't really doing anything but living on couches and eating after a summer of lazing about. So, here's to hoping we're inching down under the 120 mark, or hovering around 125 due to increased muscle from all the biking. Amusingly, I've got a few pairs of jeans that fit better now than when I was last seriously thin. Size 27 Joe's are too big in the waist, as are size 27 Antik denim (and those don't have ANY stretch, like at all).

I've eaten way too much today as well, but oh well. Tomorrow's gonna burn it all off, plus I have an entire that I can pretty much fast through on my way up north after that. It's gonna work out and off. I can feel it.

And now! THINSPO! I can't believe I left you all without thinspo for so long. I'm hiding in the mix! None of you even complained! And, HOMEWORK: 200 situps, 200 jacks, any order, any situp.

gm diet take 2: veg and fruit day

So when you the "Healthy is the New Skinny" image in there with my thinspo, remember the irony of that pic. She's fucking skinny. Toned as hell, but not enough body fat to bleed regularly. She isn't healthy and lighting and photoshop probably did about as much work on her body and she does in the weight room.

Moving on. Doing the GM diet again this week. I'm not cheating nearly as much as I did last time, but I'm not sure that I'm losing any weight. I just feel tired all the time, but maybe that's my period. Tomorrow is banana day. I'm thrilled.

The boy is gone and I miss him terribly. I had a really sad and cruel dream where my dead lover was actually alive and picked me up in his car and we drove around my old neighborhood for a while. My final piece of work for school is all about starvation and grief and fighting off one and through the other.

Everything hurts, but such is the nature of my work and my life. I paid for this and I'm getting what I paid for whether I really want to or not. So every muscle is sore, my back hurts, my hands cane every time I climb or hold a bar. Perfect really. If I just keep working hard enough, I'll have control again and I'll be beautiful and thin by the time the boy comes home.

Stay strong and thin lovelies. 100 jacks, 10 burpees, and 1 minute plank....go!

progress... maybe

Phew. Fake meat, 1C rice, and 6 tomato day was super hard. I'm so glad that's over. My body feels like a train hit it. I haven't had a full day off this week, despite the crazy diet. Ah well. Such is life. Today lets me have 1C rice and the veggies I can eat. Easy day. Tomorrow, I can add fruit juice to that mix.

I can't tell if it's progress from this diet or if I was just losing that much before, but the size 27 true religion jeans fit loosely at the waist now, the ancient tatters nearly fit as low on my hips as I'd like them to, and my painter shorts fit again, with a baggy low fit. So I am happy about this. I feel yesterday might have actually slowed my progress a little bit though. This worries me. Oh well, we'll know on tuesday morning whether or not it matters. If there isn't much change after that, it's back to mad restriction. Like ABC diet madness, despite the part where I burn 4k Cal per average day. I keep feeling like I'm getting sick and should take a day off, but then again my bones don't show so I haven't earned it.

The boy almost noticed a difference. I am changing. We were on skype and he told me I looked extra beautiful and asked if I had changed anything. I told him I had straightened my hair a little bit, but stayed silent about the part where my collarbones looked extra sharp and my shoulders more fragile. He says he thinks I look thin anyway and I wish he wouldn't lie. Oh well. He says I'm good at circus too, so I might as well enjoy the flattery.