take it outta my hide

this move is killing me faster than i thought. i need to purge so much from my life. i have way too much shit to move, even with a storage unit to take it. it's all shit i haven't worn or won't accept that it won't fit again one day. i can't sleep. sleep is something that happens to other people.

i hurt all the time. that's gonna get better, but at a price. i just found out i should be eating around 60grams of protein every day. that's rather hard to do. a fucktonne of food and even more calories. scares the hell outta me. i missed the gym today because i couldn't sleep until around the time i should have been leaving my house. i'm gonna punish that failing tomorrow at the gym. running. that's gonna be the punishment for failing, also, i have to start running again. my cardio is shit right now.

everyone is crazy or lonely right now. it's odd. we're all feeling the same intertia before the same big leap into a new part of life and it's fucking terrifying, but we're all alone instead of together. everyone keeps trying to push away, i think. i'm afraid that will happen with the boything. every time i find someone i feel safe with, one of us leaves and everything falls apart. oh well. we'll see how this all works out.

oh! awesome news on my fatassness. i am significantly less and losing. i'm back around 125lbs, size 4. i see more bones and more muscle and less fat. i'll always see too much fat, of course, but i see less now. progress.