Monday, January 23, 2012

uh oh.. on a few levels

Ugh. I love and hate this. I feel like I'm more in control, but my grasp is so tenuous that I panic all the time. It's getting to a point where I freak out about food in front of the boy which is totally not allowed to happen. Part of this is that it's no one's business but mine and the people who support me. But oh god, I nearly freaked out the other day. The sound of chewing disgusts me on a good day, but when my blood sugar is super low it's nauseating and I had to eat with the boy but I was already so hungry I wasn't hungry and nearly cried. Ah well. He's not around tonight so food weirdness abounds.

The validity of my scale has been called into question. Two of the little sensor feet came off of it. They stuck back on, but that weirds me out a bit. This worry aside, it said I was 123.2 on Sunday morning which is really more than I could ask for. This sudden droppage might have come from water weight.

My period started randomly on Friday night. I take a monocyclic so I decide when my periods are, but apparently I've screwed up my body fat to the point that my period went weird. This is a good sign. Hopefully after this period I'll just keep losing. Sigh. It's so hard to starve on this course. Even people who eat normally are wrecked by the end of the day. Sigh. I just want to be thin. Stay strong and think thin my skinnies. Do 50 situps, 50 squats, and 1 minute plank tonight!

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