Thursday, March 05, 2009
a quick minute to bitch
i'm fucking depressed. everyone in my circle of friends is happy, has a significant other, and has all kinds of good coming to them. I am in stasis. Progress isn't happening. I'm getting fatter again. I can barely make myself get out of bed. I hate food, but I eat more of it than I should anyway. I train all the time and the constant pain is starting to get to me. I'm stuck with a really sweet guy that I kept around as a stand in for someone else I was hoping to seduce... well now the hopefully seduced one has a girlfriend (a situation he tends to attempt to avoid) and now I have stand-in on my heels like a puppy. A nice puppy, just not the one I wanted. I don't want sex, but seem to have to provide it lest I cut another person out of my life. ACK! My projects are starting to look hopeless, I'm not improving fast enough and my talents go entirely unrecognized. I want something either brand new and scary or something comfortable and very very familiar. I feel like I don't have any friends that I can really cry to anymore and now I'm pathetically blogging about my petty sadness. Just had to get that out. Stay strong, think thin. Thinspo will be up later tonight while I throw a fit and trash all my food.