Friday, June 05, 2009

been a while... again... sorry

progress to report:
the destroyed jeans (size 3!) from highschool fit again. not as low on my hips as i wish, but they fit with no muffin top. that pleases me immensely.

my workout schedule got ruined by 3 days of virtually no sleep and one day spent out of town in its entirety. so i've been inflicting some serious payback on myself to make up for it. i've run 6 miles in the past 2 days on the treadmill with only 10 minutes or so of walking. i rediscovered toe-touches hanging from the pullup bar. you hang by your arms and pull your feet up to your hands. five is enough. especially on top of the hundreds of ab reps i do outside of that.

if i keep going like i am, i might even look okay in europe. the whole circus goal is really screwing with what ana would like me to be doing. i need to be strong enough to hoist myself and others, and in europe i need to be strong enough to lug my pack and run away from gypsies. so i've been living on more protein than i really want to ingest and eating mostly lettuce. to keep my blood sugar up (your friends get suspicious when you faint), i've been allowing myself 1 muffin every other day or so. i feel like i've become addicted to muffins.

mia will never be my friend. this was affirmed a few days ago when i had to maintain the i'm-healthy-and-normal facade during a night of drinking. the cheese fries just sat in my stomach marinating in tequila and woke me up in the early a.m. to make a hasty undigested exit. i hate vomiting. i hate it with a passion. it just ruins my day. my throat hurt inside and out and talking sucked and having to play normal and sip at beer and pick at food was even more heinous. it reaffirmed my belief that i would rather starve. ugh.

as far as today's thinspo, i'm digging up old stuff from a thinspo folder i buried away years ago. enjoy some vintage mila jovavich. and to my newest readers, thank you! the more audience i have, the more driven i am to starve.

"Me", if you are reading this, leave your personal email with me again and we'll chat. i've taken far too long in getting back to you and find the risk of you knowing who i actually am to acceptable.

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