almost done and then i can starve

so. morning weight: 123
woke up: 1:30pm
breakfast: apple
1 slice rye toast
calorie free butter spray and sugar free jam (10 cal.)

went to the gym for about 1:30

brunch: 1 egg, 1 pancake 1 mini muffin

snack: 1/4 coleslaw 2:40pm
4 french fries

dinner: 1 Cup brown rice 6:30pm
.5 cup cucumber
.5 cup kalamata olives
1 tbsp olive oil
.25 cup feta cheese
1 tbsp nutritional yeast
10 edamame

snack: one pumkin cookie (7pm)
one chocolate chip cookie

4:00AM
1 slice toast, sugar free jam, 1/4 cup fat free cottage cheese

way too much. i know i burned off every mouthfull, but it still blows.

i don't have to eat after tomorrow/today. i don't i don't i don't. it will be okay. i will be thin again. ana will help me.
thinspo for the morning and to get me through tonight:

i wish i had the will to start purging again

thinspired, but not any thinner

i go to bed hungry every night. i eat under my basal metabolic needs in calories. and i'm not losing any weight. i've been steady 123lbs for days now. this is stupid. i'm working out so hard tomorrow if i weigh 123 tomorrow or more (ugh, don't wanna think about that). my hipbones are looking better but my ass and thighs are going nowhere but outward. it's gross.

i take a whole slew of fiber and diet pills now and still nothing. as much water as i can stand and still nothing. negative calories or zero calorie meals are what i live on aside from diet coke, cigarettes, tums, and thinspiration. i have to lose at least 4 pounds before i leave for christmas. i cannot be this lump for my boyfriend. he's got high standards even if he doesn't speak them out loud. i know it. his exes know it.

i can't get any studying done. i need to go work out. really badly. just clean out my head so i can fill it with stuff to pass my finals with.

i need thinspo like nothing else. hook a girl up? here, i guess we can trade thinspiration. but really, ana girls, where are you with the solidarity?

no no no no no

124.6. down only 0.2 lbs.

why?!!! i must have packed on muscle or i must be retaining water. there's just no other reason for this to be happening. i burn way more calories that i eat. what the fuck.