Tuesday, December 12, 2006

thinspired, but not any thinner

i go to bed hungry every night. i eat under my basal metabolic needs in calories. and i'm not losing any weight. i've been steady 123lbs for days now. this is stupid. i'm working out so hard tomorrow if i weigh 123 tomorrow or more (ugh, don't wanna think about that). my hipbones are looking better but my ass and thighs are going nowhere but outward. it's gross.

i take a whole slew of fiber and diet pills now and still nothing. as much water as i can stand and still nothing. negative calories or zero calorie meals are what i live on aside from diet coke, cigarettes, tums, and thinspiration. i have to lose at least 4 pounds before i leave for christmas. i cannot be this lump for my boyfriend. he's got high standards even if he doesn't speak them out loud. i know it. his exes know it.

i can't get any studying done. i need to go work out. really badly. just clean out my head so i can fill it with stuff to pass my finals with.

i need thinspo like nothing else. hook a girl up? here, i guess we can trade thinspiration. but really, ana girls, where are you with the solidarity?
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1 comment:

TheCautionaryWhale said...

Just so you know, there's no such thing as negative calories. And 123is not fat. Well, probably not, given that I don't know your height. But you mentioned modelling (I think), so you must be at least 5 foot 8 or thereabouts. In that case, you're pretty thin.