calories, self worth, proportional issues

ugh. i'm really tired. it's week four of this pilates routine and about once a day i catch myself feeling a little better about myself. but then night rolls around and when i have to go to bed, i see my thighs and stomach and arms and choke back tears. i really hate this. i did mostly well today. tomorrow and thursday are for really heavy restrictions. no protein shake for me tomorrow. just an energy drink. then a salad for lunch and massive exercise. then another salad for dinner. i've gotten pretty good about holding to that regimen. i don't really screw it up too much either. oh well. my pursuit of perfection isn't ending here, that's for damn sure. i will be under 120 before my boyfriend's birthday. i can do it. well, under 120 or a size 4. whichever comes first, that will be goal achieved. size will meet weight at some point.