chubs mcsadface

The subject line is kind of a betrayal. I feel huge because Ana tells me to, but I'm doing rather well in her eyes these days. Every day is constant pain, endless exercise and under 1000 cal most days. more and more thigh area is becoming estranged from it's neighbor. My collar and hipbones are more often visible. and a pair of my jeans from highschool are too big. two big, finally. my stretch true Religion 27s fit again. but they are still stretch. my left thigh is not cooperating as much as it could be. my right loses fat and just gets harder, while my left seems to grow more muscle on top of whats already there. i hate that.

i lost a major contest a few days ago. that sucks. i feel like i was robbed of placing in the top three. so was my good friend who did an even better set. i really wanted the money. it would fund better pills.

speaking of pills, ripped fuel is actually treating me quite well these days. when i wake up early enough, i can manage to take it three times daily. i miss the kind with ephedra, but what can you do?

i'm going to europe in less than month, and so my efforts to starve are growing ever greater. i tend to balloon in europe in the summer. ugh. stupid food. i don't want to look like a fucking fat American waddling around taking up the whole damn sidewalk while snuffling out falafel stands... *shudder*. as long as there's fizzy water in spain i'll be happy. limited vegetarian options should end up confining me to ensaladas y fruitas de todas modas. does anyone have a recommendation on Catalan phrasebooks? do those even exist?

i'm all spacey. gotta stretch before i leave the house too. love love to my skinnies! sorry i was gone for so long again.