junkfood keeps winning.

today's intake:
Breakfast:
1 apple
2 80 cal carrot cakes
1 slice rye toast (fake butter=no extra cals)

Lunch/ snacks
12 pieces sushi
2 macaroons

Dinner.. i guess
1 english muffin w/ cheese and egg
1 poptart

Late food:
the other poptart.
3 2.25" mini pizzas (cheese). i don't deserve to weigh less in the morning.

i suck. i fail. half of the eating of food was just to get rid of it because i'm leaving until january. the food needed to be eaten. it just sucks that i had to be the one to eat it. all of it.

and now i get to pretend to be normal for a long fucking time. holiday food. eating at restaurants, eating my own fat filled cooking (for other people, for me it's... well..... not cooked and nonfat), no gym. at least i'll be getting laid.

so i hope someone else reads this thinspiring sendoff to myself.

pre-vacation thinspo:











we are all just pieces like this.

improvement!!

120.8 this morning!!! wheeeeee! maybe tomorrow, before i head off into the big world for the holidays the number will slip down one more step to 119.8. that will be barely a start, but a start nonetheless. ana is giving back my bones for everyone to see, the harder i work for her.

the update: crash and burn

two drinks. two poached shellfish. half a giant noodle dish. three (small) slices of baguette.
two toll-house cookies. 1 crescent roll.

not counting the booze, that really isn't that bad. i burned a ton of calories today and i'm going to the gym tomorrow. this will be okay. i can work it off. i wil be pretty by christmas.

check-in

morning weigh-in: 123.

breakfast: clif nectar and apple

lunch: tuna on lettuce with tomatoes and mustard.

test munchies: two cookies.

after the gym: 1 60cal yogurt.

update later.

i fucking deserve this, i know

morning weight: 124.4

my size 28 jeans fit again. that's so gross. they're still a little loose, but the legs fit again and that's disgusting. last spring my 26's were getting too loose. how do i keep failing? i show more bones too these days than when i was really doing poorly. it's just such a fucking copout to so say that it must be muscle mass. i'm a fatass. i deserve those numbers. no food. anymore. after finals. until i see my boyfriend and have to play normal. but until then dammit.

food eaten:
1 bowl high fiber cereal (1.5 cups)
.75 C rice milk

planned food:
.5 C tuna on salad. it's brain food for test taking.

bowl of veggies to take to exam for nervous munching.

post exam: booze. nothing more.

almost done and then i can starve

so. morning weight: 123
woke up: 1:30pm
breakfast: apple
1 slice rye toast
calorie free butter spray and sugar free jam (10 cal.)

went to the gym for about 1:30

brunch: 1 egg, 1 pancake 1 mini muffin

snack: 1/4 coleslaw 2:40pm
4 french fries

dinner: 1 Cup brown rice 6:30pm
.5 cup cucumber
.5 cup kalamata olives
1 tbsp olive oil
.25 cup feta cheese
1 tbsp nutritional yeast
10 edamame

snack: one pumkin cookie (7pm)
one chocolate chip cookie

4:00AM
1 slice toast, sugar free jam, 1/4 cup fat free cottage cheese

way too much. i know i burned off every mouthfull, but it still blows.

i don't have to eat after tomorrow/today. i don't i don't i don't. it will be okay. i will be thin again. ana will help me.
thinspo for the morning and to get me through tonight:

i wish i had the will to start purging again