fat and sad

i think my boy is mad at me. well, more like sad at me. that's how he really digs in. he gets sad, disappointed, hurt. i want him to be happy and secure in the fact that i am not the same kind of skank he's been with in the past. but no, the last one really fucked him up in the head. that sucks. a lot. i want to be trusted, though, due to things aside from infidelity, i'm working on earning that back.

125.2 lb a few days ago. i've been restricting hardcore for the past two days, so i'm going to weigh myself tomorrow and hope for a change. i've been taking this detox regimen called puranol. it's suppose to "jumpstart weightloss" by expelling all kinds of toxins. i take 3 pills 2x per day for 5 days. i have two more days. i hope this does something. i can't deal with how huge i'm getting. it doesn't seem to stop. tomorrow morning is for early morning gym, hopefully anyway. there is no counting on just how late i'll stay up tonight freaking out about how to make the boy happy.