Tuesday, August 21, 2007

new battery of pills and a long long jog

1. get up too early. shock my body.
2. take hoodia pills, chromium appetite supressant, and psyllium husk
3. 1 peach for breakfast
4. finish costume shopping
5. eat high fiber oatmeal, take more hoodia
6. go to the gym. run hard, etc.
7. take CRAVEX post workout
8. ... take a nap. maybe a small lunch before rehearsal.

i felt terribly bloated all day today. i know it's pms too. my face is all broken out and ugly too. another pair of jeans is wearble without a belt. where the fuck did my willpower go? i hate recovery. i'm a fucking cow and for some reason i can't stop that either. by halloween, i will weigh at least 8 pounds less, even if it kills me. i'll drink agar again, i'll keep a hot and cold thermos with me. i'll never wear a jacket in the rain. whatever it takes. i just want out of this bag of flesh. i'm already leaning back into SISH. i don't want to be one of those stretched out goth girls that guts herself with one hand and while scooping cake batter to her face with the other. ack! and i don't want to do drugs again. pills, supplements... fine. just not the easy way. i'm just starting to have those thoughts again. but i know i'm worth more than that. i can lose weight and keep it off in a better way. sigh.


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