Tuesday, March 01, 2011

panic

This is actually too intense to restrict. like at all. and now that i've been on harsh restriction for two weeks again, i can't really stop. i'm staring at a 280 calorie packet of sushi and can't deal. I'm not allowed to eat yet. And if I eat that, i can't have dinner, but I have to eat that, and dinner. The training this week is uber intense and i need all the protein, all the energy and I can get and i really just want to drink tea and fizzy water and not eat anything at all.

I tried to go to a gymnastics class last night, and it felt like bones were going to break after a few tumbling passes. of course that got better with a pieces of celery, but i can't help but think i should eat like a normal person this week, and avoid grave injury. next week is easier and i can half my intake as payback.

i hate the idea that i might get up into the 1500-1700 calorie range this week. it's disgusting. it's terrifying. i hate this.









3 comments:

neverfit said...

Wow, your thinspo is GORGEOUS, especially that black swan drawing.

And I'm facing the same dilemma about wanting to eat normally. I had a mini-binge last night of about 600 calories and I woke up this morning at a lower weight. It's enough to fuck your brain into thinking that if you ate more you'd be better off.
But back then I was even fatter, so probably not.

But you sound active enough that you might need an extra 500 calories daily. Think about it...

E said...

If you're working that hard, then you should definitely eat more! You need the energy. Rather than looking at it as a huge lump of calories and letting your brain freak out over it, focus on how much you're burning off with the training and such.

Even just thinking/utilizing your brain burns calories. So, if you're working so hard, then you MUST fuel your body and mind. It's a necessary evil, or you might end up in the hospital or worse. =(

It would break my heart if that happened. Please keep taking care of yourself! You're amazingly thin and pretty, but you deserve to be healthy, too!

You don't even need to punish yourself next week. Remember, you're burning through all of that food! Eat healthy calories, full of nutrients and fiber, and all that work you're doing will take care of the rest.

Stay strong! Much love, from me to you. <3 Don't forget, you're beautiful.

Jessi said...

the girl on the 7. pic....i love her..shes so beautiful...so i always following her blog;)