run til all the pain is outside

Guh. I have to go running, but I feel like I could sleep forever. I've got two weeks holiday and I intend to starve and train like crazy before I let myself go anywhere. Sure I'm supposed to rest, but I could be getting better instead. Something about running just makes me want to die. Once I start, I'm fine. It's just getting past that which sucks.

I feel like I've hit a plateau. Things are still looser are every day though, but I feel like the fat is moving back in, just in new places. Today I had an apple, a 50 cal yogurt, and a cup of tea for breakfast. I'm going to do the long running route and then stretch forever and maybe do some apparatus work as well.

You can't be fat in the circus. People tell me I'm thin and I'm good and I can't ever believe them. Alas.

I think this adventure over here might get longer. Maybe if I stay, I can get thinner too. By the end of this, I could be beautiful.

I'm starting to dread the summer though. No training space, the main boy around who thinks I'm doing better about food... oh well. I'm different now. Maybe he can just accept that.

One of my trainers said "You've been doing such great work lately. Whatever is going on in your life, keep it up." Oh good. So keep starving yourself and worrying about every calorie and overtraining, and have loads of sex with that one boy. Sounds great.

Sigh. Stay strong and think thin my lovelies. (OMG THERE ARE SO MANY NEW FOLLOWERS! <3)