Wednesday, December 07, 2011

eat tears

Today sucks. But eating disorder wise, today is actually quite good. I had to wear a leotard, tights, and shorts for a lesson and one the rudest guys at school asked me if i'd lost weight and said I looked really good. Which prompted my tiny perfect housemate to say she wanted to try out my diet because I looked so amazing. I did look a little better. I hadn't eaten much today and my ribs were pokey and my hipbones made more of my shape than my actual hips. my legs looked okay too. More reinforcement to keep starving.

As for the suck of today... I was too sore in the morning to go in to school and so i slept in, curled up with the boy. But then when we woke up, it turned into a huge fight. I meant to say something funny and sweet and he took it to be some kind of dismissal that if he couldn't just tend to my every need then he should just go. And I said "like I have the self worth to order anyone around like that" and he got super pissy and started ranting about how my view of myself was shitty but also fake and attention seeking and no wonder I'm always miserable because clearly I just want to be that way. No wonder I feel like I don't have any friends, etc. Fuck that. So I ended up sobbing and flinching away from him until he left right as I was trying to defend myself. He just walked out. So I've fucked it up with someone that I love. Oh well. At least I'm not hungry. Sigh. I'm just kinda sad now.

Oh well. Stay strong and think thin! Today's homework is 80 bicycle crunches and 80 squats with 50 jumping jacks in between. Thanks for the feedback skinnies! You make this worth it.

1 comment:

fastinggirl said...

i'd love to see a pic of you looking so good! and i'm so sorry about the boy, i get into arguments just like that with mine all the time. thing will get better! :)

btw, beautiful pics! and thanks for the hw!