tubby mcfatterson

i'm losing, but not fast enough. i'm currently making art about much i don't like myself and want to change it and how i can't let go of ana and if i do it hurts so much... no ones that part. of course my lovelies do. i hope you are all well. check the comments on my last post, there's a blog linked in there worth watching (i think it's in the last post, not sure).

i just ate something awful, and i had a few minutes, so i thought i'd post anyway. the last pic is a shame photo, so i'll behave for the rest of the day. i have to stuff myself into a unitard this weekend, what the fuck was i thinking? no one wants to see my gapless legs jiggling around... ugh.

i've been freaking out a lot. the panic attacks about food are starting again. crying over my sugar free yogurt happens quite a lot. the trainers say i can have stuff, but the books they give me tell me to obsess, and ana tells me to starve. some days i just want them all to leave me alone.