can i cry now?

i hate my thighs so much. it's actually embarrassing to walk around in leggings without short or a long top on over them. but i had to change out of a dress into another dress and then take both back home, but i didn't want to put the other one on, so i just kept my unitard and leggings on. and it was the most painful 5 minutes of my life. people SAW me. ew. Why would I let that happen... i just feel so fat today. my gut is huge and saggy and my thighs big chunky monstrous things and I don't deserve to eat ever, but I have to otherwise my body will quit and I'll get hurt and I'll lose the course and my time here. I hate that balance. I just have to ace this week and I'm already skipping practice time to write this (among other things) and drink green tea. Ugh. Maybe I'll feel better later when I've had more than 2 hours sleep before an intensive morning.