Tuesday, March 06, 2007

bunny... i'm not happy

I hate feeling dumb. I hate feeling talentless. I hate feeling like I'll never amount to anything. I hate know that it's mostly true. I will be a pathetic fatass that tries too hard, whose thighs will always touch, standing or sitting.

I will never have the star-power to get what I deserve. No amount of work will make me better than average. and that breaks my heart. into little pieces... little flabby pieces. I should be going to bed but I feel fucking terrible. My boyfriend is a rock star. I will never measure up. Fuck his older/wiser perspective. He was smart in college. He was talented in college. He was too talented for college.

Math makes me cry. I'm fucking 20 and math makes me cry. I have so much work to do and I can't do it all in the amount of time I have. My headway today was fucking worthless. I spent most of a beautiful spring day inside, in the dark, working toward this degree that I have zero plans of using. I have no desire to go grad school and no plan to do so either. No one will hire me with just a BA.

Maybe I will be miserable enough to really starve all day. No fluid calories. No breakdowns that make me eat because I think I "need to". Fuck it. I'm going for a run. Right after this thinspo post.

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