i stayed awake for this?

my boyfriend lives far away. he's busy. he's famous. he travels a lot. i miss him. and he doesn't have time for me ever. he just blew me off completely. why would he even waste his precious time to call me and tell me that he doesn't have time to talk? maybe this really isn't working out. maybe we are doing too many different things. maybe we shouldn't be together after all. thinking that breaks my heart. it works sometimes and then it doesn't. god fucking dammit. i hate this. i hate being second best to his job. it's his first love and it always will be. it's going to ruin my birthday and the big party this spring. this sucks. i'm not happy. i feel fat. at least when i'm sad, i feel sick and i can't eat.