so tired, so fat, so broke

so i splurged at the mall today. but, comfortingly enough, I fit into another pair of 27 waist jeans and didn't huge and fat in the first pair of skinny jeans that i'd ever worn. my friends are such thinspo but i can't just starve like they do. i guess the way to do it is to just not start at all. tomorrow can be for that experiment. I have to do some work too, as I have something due at midnight, but that shouldn't be too bad.

total intake so far:
1 apple
.75 C veggie curry soup (v. thin)
1 biscuit (med)
1 granola bar, cinnamon
.75 Jamba light
1 romaine heart and veggie cheese (one slice) wrap (low cal tortilla)
1 clif bar

i've gotten plenty of excercise just bumbling around the mall. i'm just feel so tired that i'm brain dead at the moment. i think i'm going to take another nap and then go for a walk. i can't make my brain work at all.

my friends are so thin and perfect. i didn't used to be the fat one. there was never a fat one, but now i'm it for sure. this lame. there is something about the mall that sucks out one's self-esteem. by the last outfit I tried, i felt like whale. I looked good leaving my house, my skin even looked okay... but by the time we left the mall, i felt like i must be muffin topping over my skirt and bulging through the knit on my tights. my face felt like a pizza. sad sad. nap time.