125... still. how did that happen? muscle gain, water retention, being a general fatass? i rarely eat more than 1500 calories in a day, no matter what. generally burn about 3700 calories in day. and i'm not losing weight.
other than the weight, my day has been gentle with me. i'm going to dance my heart out tonight and well into the morning. that will be good for me. lots of water will be consumed. lots of it. and, haha, i will not be hungry... at all... hah. it will all go according to plan. yes... yess it will. i need a nap. but i have makeup on. dammit.
same old story
- so_alone
- me. i don't see me, but you do. i want to see me as you do, or as you say you do. you humor me when you say i'm tiny? are you laughing inside when you describe my pitted hulk as skeletal? i want to be happy with me. it's like someone pulled the gauze from my eyes and i see now, how imperfect, how weak, how ugly i am now, and just how perfect i really was when there was so much less of me. The less of me that you can see, the easier it is to love what's left of me. Honestly, I don't step on scales anymore. I can't. I'll go too far over the edge. I measure my world in sizes. I am currently a US size 6-8, UK 10. My ultimate goal size is a 4. I want my good jeans to fit. I want my thigh gap. And I want to be thin.
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