Sunday, April 08, 2007

tear it all off

i don't understand how this works. it really feels like i've lost ana. how does that even happen? it's like me eating disorder relapsed into healthy behavior. i don't like that. i don't like waking up to a scale that tells me 125.0 when i've been eating mostly negative calories and excercising and drinking tons of water. i don't get it. just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

all my size 27 pants still fit, but i think their stretched out. i know my "jeans' waist size" has gotten bigger by an inch or two, as i cannot wear my size 26s anymore. i can still fit in to my favorite summer jeans, in fact i think my legs are somewhat more trim than the last time i wore these. my hips/waist and gut are the fat parts.

i have 19 days to lose 10 pounds. i don't think it's going to work. I have 19 days to be as far under 125 as possible.

ugh. enjoy the thinspo.

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