Thursday, April 12, 2007
rewarding progress with failure
123lbs this morning. so guess what i did. i was a huge fucking cow!
breakfast: banana nut bread, 3/4 nondairy fruit smoothie (16oz)
lunch:soup and 3/4 biscuit, 1 vegan choc. chip cookie
snack:3/4 bag pb m&ms
before gym: 1/3 vegan pizza
dinner: 1 small beans and rice burrito plus lowfat cheese and hot sauce; 1 cheesestick from pizza hut, 3/4 slice pizza (the fat kind)
dessert: 1 cup applesauce with 1tbsp macadamia butter
i want to die. i've been water loading as a punishment. i can't afford to gain this weight back. theoretically, i have 15 days left to lose at least 5 pounds. i've cut my fucking goal in half. ugh.
my love life blows. i hate having a boyfriend and being this lonely at the same time. i'm sad. my self-esteem is crashing. not like i don't deserve that, but still, this sucks.