124.6. i have seven days to lose 4.6 pounds. that's all i goddamn want. this sucks. i had a diet coke for breakfast. i'm cabbing to school and then i'm going to the gym. hard. i've got energy drinks and if i really need to, i can have to liquids today with calories. but fucking nothing else. same for tomorrow and the next day. and even monday. just not tuesday. i have to eat something then. but not wednesday. not thursday. if i can effectivley hide it, i won't even need to eat on friday. certainly not saturday. sunday i'm pretty screwed for. but yes. there's all of next week. just fine, foodless. i need this so fucking badly. if this doesn't get better, i'll just fall back into pathetic SISH habits again and start purging again and and and and and dammit!
fuck it. don't think about. just go to school. and then the gym. and run whatever other errands there are. it's okay. it's okay it's okay. ANA TAKE ME BACK!!!
same old story
- so_alone
- me. i don't see me, but you do. i want to see me as you do, or as you say you do. you humor me when you say i'm tiny? are you laughing inside when you describe my pitted hulk as skeletal? i want to be happy with me. it's like someone pulled the gauze from my eyes and i see now, how imperfect, how weak, how ugly i am now, and just how perfect i really was when there was so much less of me. The less of me that you can see, the easier it is to love what's left of me. Honestly, I don't step on scales anymore. I can't. I'll go too far over the edge. I measure my world in sizes. I am currently a US size 6-8, UK 10. My ultimate goal size is a 4. I want my good jeans to fit. I want my thigh gap. And I want to be thin.
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