soon, i have a test. maybe it was the only four hours of sleep. maybe it was the booze last night. maybe i'm really just a fatass.
weight #1: 124.6 numbers that make me hurt.
weight #2: after shower; 125.6. what the fuck?! i'm so mad. i have to eat breakfast today too so that i can think well in the only class today that requires it. after that, i'm going to back to sleep. then i'm going to more class, then dance, and the gym and then the mall. not at all shall food touch my lips. from this moment on.
help ana.
same old story
- so_alone
- me. i don't see me, but you do. i want to see me as you do, or as you say you do. you humor me when you say i'm tiny? are you laughing inside when you describe my pitted hulk as skeletal? i want to be happy with me. it's like someone pulled the gauze from my eyes and i see now, how imperfect, how weak, how ugly i am now, and just how perfect i really was when there was so much less of me. The less of me that you can see, the easier it is to love what's left of me. Honestly, I don't step on scales anymore. I can't. I'll go too far over the edge. I measure my world in sizes. I am currently a US size 6-8, UK 10. My ultimate goal size is a 4. I want my good jeans to fit. I want my thigh gap. And I want to be thin.
5 comments:
I just wanted you to know that I share your pain. I'm reading your blog every day, and while I'm nowhere near your 120 lb goal, I'm working towards it. I wish you the best, and perhaps we can help each other in our quest. Here's mine if you're interested. http://chaseafterme.blogspot.com/
You pribably wegh more becaus eof the water hun don't worry. My scale said not to weigh yourself after a shower
Good luck
Nope, I don't weigh myself after showering. It sounds retarded, but I'm convinced that my skin will absorb the water weight. I'll usually wait about 2 hours (when I'm bone dry) before I step on the scale.
Hang in there!
- J00kst3r (fei_yen_kn)
hey there, it's good to see you trying to lose weight but after a yr of anorexia, i really suggest you do it the healthy way. lookin frm your blog last yr, it looks as though you have dropped like 0.5 kgs. despite all your efforts to fast to lose weight, its not gonna happen because the body just doesn't work that way. it's because of your fasting that you binge. if you didn't fast and just ate regulary/healthily along w/ exercising as well... you'd find that you wouldn't binge anymore. sorry, this wasn't meant to be mean or anything.. just trying to help. but you really dont even need to lose weight anyway.
Come on hun, you can do it. Just get right back up on that horse. Ana is with you and so are we, who read and need your words. You can do it.
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